number one

you just need one sentence or word that will completely change every single aspect in your life. for me, the word for today is * disappointment *. it is true that i am always not as happy and blablablabla, but never i was disappointed, until today. i don't want to go through the whole story but the main point is, i am really disappointed with some of my friends who are  being so insensitive. i am being realistic enough that i just don't want to take any drastic move or hurt the others since they treat me like crap because i believe that what goes around comes around. suddenly, i feel like everyone around me is conspiring a plot to kill me or to hate me, or to kill me ( okay, i am weird like that ). i just can't trust anyone anymore i guess which is really devastating. maybe on the other hand, i might as well have done something bad in the past and now i am getting the punishment from Allah. whatever it is, i'll try to look at the brightest side of everything and continue the journey. 

diary of a grumpy kid

today's checklist;
1) woke up at 12 pm ( don't judge me )
2) friends came over
3) downloading kung pow enter the fist- ridiculously funny!
4) had lunch
5) went to facebook
6) more melodramatic feelings
7) i cried
8) babysit my cousin
9) more sleeping
conclusion: i haven't done anything productive so far. :)

violet's first love

i scream because i thought you could hear my voice for once,
i smile because i have your picture in every song i sing,
i cry because i want to cover it with laughter if we ever meet,
i write because i am hoping that you would read.
good morning for those who had skipped the joy of midnight,
good night for those who are waiting for the sunrise.

simple calculation

*only if you could measure life by a scientific scale, then it would be simple. you never runs out of number * i might just have switched myself to a positive mode right now, so, why not i blab about something positive for this very entry. do you want to know one thing i realize about relationships? i realize that no matter how magical the story starts or already in the middle, it only brings to a conclusion ; a choice of being sad or happy. some end it with a marriage and get heart-broken for life and some end it with a breakup and be happy. so, be wise. :) 

dramatic ( a call for help )

*behind that tragic affair of yours, i see myself making a distance away from that horrible scene.* behind every smile i call fake, true enough, i need help. i need to get out. i am tired of screaming. i am exhausted. i am never giving up, but sometimes it is the only way i see. what i understand about the world is, they only listen and use psychology to talk me out of this but they don't UNDERSTAND, never will. as much as i am trying to walk away, i am only finding myself closer to the main idea, to the top of the bridge. 

gossip

*why can't you just move on? *. a question that echoes and dances gracefully, from the ears, to my mind. i am moving on, i have moved on in fact. no matter how beautifully i play dress up, beneath that cotton, there are still visible scars from the past. those words that stabbed me like swords, those sinister laughter they made, the darkness that sheltered the sacred temple of mine. i use words, alphabets , imagination to cure every poison that once crept through my vein. i am not lonely, maybe i have chosen silence to be the continuous tracks to my train. i am not weird, i just see  the world differently, maybe with less colors, or more buildings. i am not a princess, i am just another person with a pen and paper, writing her thoughts.

silverrette

misery comes in a long and strong chain,
a chain that never breaks,
oh dear ( silverette ),
if only you could go away,
if only we could be parted,
if only you and i could be separated.